How Choosing Love Saved My Business And My Fertility
Recently, I came across this poignant quote, “Ask yourself what is really important, and then have the wisdom and courage to build your life around the answer.”
As an acupuncturist and clinic owner, writer, business mentor, and creator of several online nutrition programs, I struggle with prioritizing. And balance.
I am so passionate about every aspect of my life, that it’s hard for me to focus on one and let the other aspects take second, third, fourth, and fifth place.
Until I had my daughter–she demanded first place. And I’m embarrassed to admit that it was not easy giving it to her. Maybe because I waited a little longer than most to have children and I was getting used to my life the way I designed it to be, or because I love working for myself, or maybe it’s because I’m an only child (I’m sure that factors in somewhere, right?)
Last night my husband and I decided to try for a second baby. The best “cure” for endometriosis is pregnancy, and I have been encouraged by western and holistic practitioners alike to have as many children as possible to keep my endometriosis at bay. While this decision feels right for us, it also induces a mild state of panic. (How on earth do people raise more than one child at once?)
These days I have most of my epiphanies at 2am while lying our bed, breastfeeding. And after our discussion, this one came through loud and clear:
Surrender to your life. Surrender to love.
Duh. Anyone who knows me well knows my reason for being on this planet is LOVE. I’m not just a die-hard romantic, I believe in soul mates, my favorite holiday is Valentine’s Day, and my absolute favorite color is pink. I believe in love more than I believe in anything.
“Who you are is not an option. You are love. It hurts to believe you’re other than who you are, to live any story less than love.” ~ Byron Katie
I have been so afraid to slow down on growing my business, I have felt so pressured (self-induced) to finish my book proposal, make more money, and have my life more “figured out” before I can stop and have another baby.
Because, as I’ve learned, babies demand your presence. You have no choice but to stop and love.
Whenever I sit down with a patient and explain to them the very real effect stress is having on their lives and causing the symptoms from which they are seeking relief, I always get resistance that sounds something like, “No, you don’t understand. I can’t cut out coffee, or work less, or change my life, this is how it is.”
Yes, you can.
The way you live your life is up to you and nobody else. You are in the driver seat. You can choose to build your life around your answer to what matters to you most.
Last night, while cuddling with the newest love of my life, I finally decided to follow my own advice and build my life around my answer, what matters most to me. Love. Always love.
I realized that my resistance to slow down my business to have another baby is fear talking, not love. Being an only child (see, I knew it had something to do with it!) I am totally afraid of the unknown, which is, in my case, having more than one child in a family.
Similarly, I am also afraid when I think about taking my business to the next level. As much as it scares me to slow down my business to have another baby, it scares me even more to create and manage a large-scale business (even though it’s what I deeply desire).
What does running a big business feel like? What does raising two kids feel like? Can I do them both? I have no idea.
Up until this point, I have created a life that feels familiar, knowable, safe. It’s been a satisfying journey, and now I have reached the end of this worn path. Vast empty space opens up in front of me. If I take a step, will I fall? Will I sprout wings? I don’t know, but I am finally ready to push past the fear, embrace love, and find out.
Questions to ask yourself:
What is the next step in your life that you are afraid of taking?
Is there something that you want to do/ have/ be that you think is unattainable / scary / not possible because of what you grew up with?
Are you willing to let love lead your life instead of fear? What does that mean to you?
What’s the worst that can happen if you jump into the unknown?
The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks
Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield
Loving What Is by Byron Katie
Ask And It Is Given by Abraham Hicks